Most marriages start out with many high expectations and a slanted view of what marriage is supposed to look and feel like. They soon realize that the spouse has a few issues that need to change, and with a little tweaking and a few suggestion things will align just perfectly. Unfortunately, due to many conflicting opinions and emotions that arise, this usually does not happen. A spouse may have a few unresolved issues from their past and they pride fully decide to keep them to themselves and tackle them on their own. They may also believe that with their spouses love they should be able to move on from the old past and enjoy the future together. After all, the bible teaches that when a marriage occurs, man and woman become "one". Doesn't this mean they are now completed by their spouse?

Maybe this hits home or maybe this isn't you at all, we do know that if we are "one" as the bible tells us, than we should have "oneness" in our marriages. Since we are called by God to be "one" with our spouse, we must examine this "oneness" a little more deeply to attain a better understanding of our calling.

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

We believe the only way to truly have oneness in your marriage is to be open and transparent. We also believe to have true intimacy in your marriage you must have oneness. Ouch you might say? Does this mean my spouse needs to know everything about me, the good the bad and the ugly? Yes. We know this to be true. The façade of make believe, covering up and pretending that all is well will only reveal itself later in marriage. In addition, many years of troubles will have worn you down and missed opportunities to be used by God will have passed you by. You may even end in divorce with your secrets still hidden. I hope you would agree that this would not be a good solution.

If you went to a doctor because you were not feeling well but you never told the doctor what your symptoms were, how could you expect him to diagnose and treat you? In Christ, we are fully pleasing and accepted by God. You are absolutely complete in Christ. A spouse does not complete us, however God uses our spouse to show His love for us. A husband or wife cannot pray for, support or encourage their spouse if they are unaware of the struggles. If we are not open and transparent (sharing the good, bad and the ugly) with our spouse we are limiting the blessing God has for us in the spouse that He has created for us.

When we are open and transparent to one another, we often become humbled and many times broken. When a spouse witnesses this in their husband or wife they are given the opportunity to see a loved one growing in the image of Christ. Many times we falsely believe that being hard core, strong and self sufficient is what makes our spouse attracted to us. That maybe something that catches the eye early in a relationship, but a healthy marriage grows and prospers when both spouses have broken and contrite hearts. It is when we humbly serve each other with a desire to be used by God that we truly see those blessings explode. The key is to surrender to and serve God, not try to be God.

Oneness creates unconditional love and we all desire to receive that kind of love.